Fitness on the up

After reassignment surgery in early November I had a pretty tough time up to Christmas.  It wasn't comfortable to sit, to stand, to lie down or to walk.  The best position was laying on my bed with my legs raised.  The sleep deprivation was really getting to me.

I came home after Christmas to an offer to a letter from a couple looking to buy a house in my road and as I had always planned to get the house on the market at Easter I thought 'what the heck!' and called them back.  We set a time for them to visit about a fortnight later.  Fine, I though, plenty of time to get the house ready for a viewing.  And then they rang back to say could they view the very next Saturday! Eeeeeeek! I went into overdrive.  3 days of cleaning, tidying, painting and on and on.  I have to admit that I did 'get a man in' to do some haevyweight garden clearing and brush cutting.  I finished about an hour before they came.  Just time to put a 'chiken with tarragon' casserole in the oven for some nice kitchen smells.......But the place did look great and they went for it - so life really will be moving on in a number of ways in 2013.

But the best bit is that when I sat down after they had gone, I realised that I had not had any pain for a few days - hooray!

It does seem that things have knitted together now.  Last Sunday, for the first time since October I caught the train to Yeovil Junction, the next station along the line, and walked back through the fields and along the lanes.  I usually take about an hour and a half for this but I took it steadily and completed the walk in two hours, once again with no pain.

On Wednesday I passed my 'return-to-duty' medical for the West Somerset Railway, so that aspect of life will be back to normal shortly as well.

I am really looking forward to 2013.

I just wish the last few stubborn facial hairs would give up the ghost.  Ho, hum, patience, patience.

I'll keep you posted

Robin Moira White

The only TS on the jury.

An interesting week last week.

I was called for jury service at the local Crown Court at Dorchester and served on a jury trying quite a serious offence, indecency with a child by a C of E clergyman.  Plainly I have to be very careful not to reveal anything of the jury discussions but we did find him guilty on both counts.

Full marks to the court officials and staff who took my trans status in their stride as did, now I come to think about it, my fellow jurors.

I was very conscious of not being seen to lead the other jurors by virtue of my professional status and didn't tell them that I was a barrister until after we had decided our verdict.  Quite by chance I found myself foreperson of the jury which meant I had to chair the discussion and announce the verdict in court at the end of the trial.

The other concern of the week was whether the jurors would get to court at all.  In the early part of the week the snow interfered with transport, particularly on the high road between Sherborne and Dorchester.  I decided to leave the driving to others and caught the bus in.  On Tuesday evening it was a close run thing about getting home.  The police had closed to road to all but 4x4's but it turned out that included the bus, so we ploughed on steadily and got home a little later than scheduled.

It was a worry to know what to wear.  Elegantly female or snow-competant?  I certainly had no choice but to choose walking boots on two days when the snow was worst.  In the battle between my Jaeger Cashmere and athick  railway pea-jacket it was 4-1 to the cashmere!

And my TV appearance due on Monday evening last?  The snow also affected that!  BBC Inside out decided that they had a topical piece aboyut the Gloucester police coping with the affect of snow on transport..  I'm told that I will be on in a week or two and when I have a new date, I'll let you know.

My other bit of news is that I will be moving house in March, temporarily to Glastonbury and later in the summer to near Taunton, so 2013 is definitely going to be a year of new beginnings.  Perhaps in other ways as well?

I'll keep you posted

Robin Moira White

Stepping Gently into 2013 - and television!

Hello Readers!

Apologies for the silence over the Christmas period.  I was supposed to be resting up but in fact have been working hard clearing one set of deceased relatives house, settling the affairs of another, and, rather unexpectedly, accepting an offer on my house.

The last was at the end of 36 hours of mad cleaning, painting, tidying, shelf-erecting and gardening to make the place presentable (after a couple of months with another focus....!).  My present place is far too large for me on my own have has to go.  I had intended to put it on the market at Easter but the mountain came to Mohammed and my purchasers sought me out.

Before Christmas pretty much every step was painful and sitting down wasn't much fun either but at the end of the 'rushing around' period set out above, I found that I was walking and sitting comfortably again.  It would seem that matters have knitted together 'down there' in some useful way and so life is a good deal easier.  I wouldn't want to be running about and I am still careful about heavy lifting but it is all a good sign.  It does bring home the value of simple pleasures like sitting quietly or wandering down to the High Street.

I always intended to have matters 'over' before 2013 and absent a little residual electrolysis and laser treatment, I seem to have achieved that.  The bonus is that I also seem to have sold my house, which will allow me to settle affairs with my ex-wife and move to somewhere more sensible.

On, and if you are free next Monday evening, 21 January 2013, there will be a short piece about me on our regional current affairs TV programme 'Inside Out' at 19.30 on BBC 1 West.  Those of you from elsewhere can catch it on BBC i-player.

I am looking forward to a peaceful and pleasant 2013 but I do intend to keep blogging.

Bye for now

Robin Moira White

Home for Christmas

And so now I am home.

The facial surgery in belgium went well.  I still have some swelling and bruising, as is to be expected, with some particularly fetching yellow hues around the eyes which makes me look like a dometic violence victim once again.

Ghent is lovely and my hosts, Karien and Patrick at 'Ins Inn' apartment were pleasant, helpful and accomodating but I am pleased to be home.  That should be it for serious surgery.  I just now have to plug on with dilation and de-epilation and hopefull a female summer beckons.

I am so pleased to have got to the point.  There were certainlt times when I didn't think I would, or didn't think I had the strength to see it through.  neither am I foolish enough to think that there may not be some tough times ahead but 2013 should be a gentler year, I hope.

Do come along for the ride.

regards and season's greetings

Robin White

And so to bed........Er,no, Belgium

Progress is marked by small advances.  I am sleeping a little more easily and yesterday was the day that I managed to wear underwear all day without the fire between my thighs making me head off to somewhere private for some ‘commando’ relief.  Just as well, really, as rather than catching up on my much neede sleep, yesterday I travelled to Belgium for the second part of my autumn surgery, tweaking the facial cosmetic feminisation surgery I had in the summer of 2012.

I am becoming acutely aware of the design of seating and the effect it has on my post-operation sedentary comfort.  Hard (unpadded wood or metal) is excruciating in any form.  As are seats that are significantly higher at the front than the back.  My South West trains seat from Dorset to London Waterloo was so raked and so by the second half of my two-hour journey I was in considerable discomfort, doughnut cushion notwithstanding.  By contrast, the Eurostar seat from St Pancras to Brussels was virtually horizontal and so was fine, as was the SNCB local train to Ghent.

Today I had my pre-surgery consultation with Dr Bart van de Ven, who I have to say I like very much.  When we met up in London last February he reviewed my surgery and expressed himself not satisfied.  So I am here without charge from him (just hospital and anaesthetist costs to pay) for some revisions.  Tomorrow he will be taking another small slice off the bridge of my nose, increasing the upper lip lift a fraction, doing some lipofilling of the vertical lines on my forehead above my nose and tightening the facelift I had to allow for the slackness which has developed since the jaw reduction and re-shaping I had done last time round. After some thought, I am also having my earlobes reduced in size as they are, on reflection, rather masculine.

I am staying in a pleasant apartment in the centre of Ghent within walking distance of Dr B’s clinic.  The hospital is some way outside the city and I have to be there at 7.30am tomorrow, so the taxi is booked to collect me at 7.  Fortunately this time I am only scheduled for 4 hours surgery, not the 12 hours I had before, so I should be awake by the afternoon.  I stay in hospital one night and should be back to the apartment on Friday.

I’ll keep you posted.

Robin Moira White

The Headless Transsexual

I am now at home, gently recovering.  Still rather sore, particularly from the secondary candida infection I suffered from but now able to look back on my trip to Thailand.

It wasn’t quite the trip I expected as I spent all of my month in the out-of-town district of Phuket which contained the hospital, my hotel, the supermarket and the shopping centre.  I had intended to see a little of Thailand on the first weekend but surgery was brought forward so that I booked straight into the hospital on arrival.  The alternative possibility at the end of my time was ruined by my secondary infection.  I have to admit that this, and the pain and sleep deprivation it caused, laid me very low for the trip back and tthe first few days at home.

One of the few impressions I really formed was how much smaller the Thai people are.  The title of this post records that in both the hospital and the hotel if I stood in front of the full length dressing mirror my head was not visible.  I should say that I am only 6 foot tall.  My hospital gowns were XXL size and they had to send out for some larger sandals for me to wear around the hospital.  One of the nurses jokingly called me ‘Miss Universe’.

Is the difference in height genetic or diet based, I wonder?

I also reminded myself how much I dislike air conditioning.  It is not just the noise but the sanitised nature of air-conditioned air.  Of course the alternative, with temperatures in the 30’s and it being at the end of the monsoon season, was to sweat into the bedclothes unpleasantly. Hmm.  I was glad to be home to temperate climes.

As for now, I am concentrating on recovery, thrice-daily dilation, and my trip trip to Belgium next Tuesday to tweak last summer’s facial surgery.

I’ll keep you posted.

Robin Moira White

Home now

I am now safely home.

I have to say that the flight back from Thailand last Thursday was excuciating.  At the time I could sit comfortably for about 20 minutes at a time, so to sit for 12 hours was....an ordeal.  I am grateful for the tolerance of the travellers sat next to me, who must have noticed that I was pretty constantly in motion and to the flight entertainment system  for the films and tetris game which allowed me to focus on something other my soreness.

I am enternally grateful to Dee Palmer who came out of no-where to drive me home from Heathrow.  Fortunately she was able to drop me at salisbury station for me to catch the train back to Sherborne allowing her to get back to Sussex before midnight.

It was rather a shock to the system to return from Thailand's 30-32 degree heat to about minus 3 in Dorset when I got home.  But I soon had the heating on and the blankets over my head.

I am still rather sore and so not sleeping entirely easily, which is a bind, but things do seem to be improving bit by bit.

I'll keep you posted.

Robin Moira White

Such a kind offer

Dee.  I would be delighted to take you upon your kind offer.  I was going to be very English and say, no, of course I'll be fine.... but the thought of being home at 10pm rather than midnight and withso much less hassle.  My flight from Bangkok is due to arrive at Heathrow at 1910.  Robin

Show methe way to go home

It is nearly 5pm on the afternoon of Wednesday 28 November, my last full day in Thailand.

I can’t really say that I have enjoyed the past week or so.  The candida infection at the break of my thighs has been slow to resolve, leaving a sore area which has considerably interfered with sleep, as I tend to turn on my side as I drift off, so bringing the sore areas together and so wake me up.

This has also put paid to my idea to use one of my last days in Phuket to see the sights, tthe Old Town and the Patong clubs.  Can I say that I am very disappointed?  Not really.

I am a little concerned about the travelling tomorrow.  I have a 30 minute taxi ride to the airport, a 2-hour flight to Bangkok, then the 11-hour flight to the UK, a 45 minute coach ride to Woking from Heathrow and then a 2-hour train ride home.  This sounds like a lot of sitting.  Today I managed a 30-minute lunch with one change of cushion, but sitting is still easily painful.  Oh well, at least home is at the end of it all.

Now I just have to hope that I can get all the dilation and other medical paraphernalia into my suitcase.

I’ll keep you posted.

Robin Moira White

An uncomfortable few days

By Thursday last the rash in the angles of my upper thighs hadn’t got any better so I called into the hospital first thing in the morning.  Dr Kunaporn saw me virtually at once and prescribed a zinc oxide cream.  Unfortunately it has gradually got worse over the past few days to the point where I got virtually no sleep last night.  Every time I came close to falling asleep I would turn over on my side and the irritation would be compounded and I would wake up.   I thought I would wait until Monday but wondered if the hospital would be working today, Saturday, so I called into Dr Kunaporn’s clinic at 1.30.

I have to say that the service was astonishing.  When I arrived there was just a receptionist and a nurse on duty at what was the end of the Saturday morning clinic.  Within 50 minutes they had called Dr Kunaporn at home. He arranged that I see the duty dermatologist.  The dermatologist took samples, worked them up for microscope study and identified an opportunist candida infection which he was able to show me on the screen attached to his microscope.  I was then prescribed and dispensed an oral anti-fungal and a topical anti-fungal cream.  I am so glad that I chose to stay close to the hospital.

It is now 10pm on Saturday.  It definitely is no worse, and it might be psychosomatic by I am certainly calmed and reassured and think it is on the mend.

Meanwhile, I am plugging on with dilation and I do seem to be more comfortable sitting down.  This all bodes well for the flight home on Thursday.

I’ll keep you posted.

Robin Moira White

A little more progress

It is Wednesday 21 November. I awoke this morning at 6.30 in the middle of a violent thunderstorm with torrential rain.  That in itself was progress as I had fallen asleep about half past midnight and so slept for a whole 6 hours – the first such period for a couple of weeks now. 

Yesterday I obtained some Bepanthen from the local pharmacy to deal with the area of redness along my inner thighs which has persisted since my surgery and isn’t helped by the very itchy regrowing pubic hair.  But what a relief!  Able to lie quietly on my side again and sleep.

Another bit of progress was to be able to sit for my evening meal in a local (Australian?) chain restaurant called ‘Wine Connection’ and enjoy some well done beef.

I still had to shift position half a dozen times during the meal and the cloying constant distracting ache is still ‘down there’.

But a week today I should be packing to come home.

I’ll keep you posted

Robin Moira White

Cleared to fly

This morning I had my post surgery appointment with Dr Kunaporn.

I reported to the Aesthetic Surgery Clinic, which seemed to be highly polulated with thin Australian girls considering breas augmentation.  After taking my blood pressure (what is about that particular fixation?) I was walked down to the operating theatre floor below and helped to change into hospital clothes.  I was then stretched out an operating table with legs akimbo in stirrups attached to the table to await Dr Kunaporn. He was a little delayed but was pleased with his handiwork when he came and took some internal stitches out.  This last process was not without some pain. Dr K then went over the dilation regime for the next six months with me and that was that.  I collected my surgery certificates from the clinic counter and I was free to go!

I do still have 10 days before  I fly back to the UK, which is  probably just as well as at the moment, I can sit comfortably on the front edge or a seat or tolerably on my ‘doughnut’ cushion. Laying down is still quite painfulat times.  I get a little less sore each day and last night even got a tolerable few hours sleep.  The journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step.

I’ll keep you posted

Robin Moira White

Transsexual Oubliette

Medieval torturers worked out that if you imprisoned a person in a 4 feet square cell it was especially cruel as the prisoner could neither stand up nor lie down.  That’s a bit like how I feel now.  Sitting is very uncomfortable as is laying down.  The only really comfortable position is standing up.  Sleeping is  balance between the pain and fatigue.

I can feel the healing going on and there is progress all the time.  Bowel movements were very restricted until early this morning when an hour mostly spent on the ‘throne’ seems to show that the blockage has freed up – another sign of swelling going down.

Sitting is a bit of an issue as there is an 11 hour flight back to be ready for in only 12 days time.  At the moment I would have difficulty sitting down for take off or landing!

It is Saturday morning here and I next have a medical appointmenton Monday at 9.30 with Dr Kunaporn.  I then just have ti grin and bear it and get ready for my flight home.  I can’t say that either the bars and clubs of Patong, the old town of Phuket, or the other Thai attractions hold much attraction for me.  I’d raher be home.  So I’ll just grin, carry on reading my Kindle, and wait for Thursday week.

I’ll keep you posted.

Robin Moira White

A change of scene

And so today I was efficiently discharged from hospital in Phuket and moved to the modest ‘Baan Suan Hotel’ a few hundred yards away for the second fortnight of my stay in Thailand.

|Regular readers may remember that my surgery was brought forward by 3 days, so my 10 day stay here will now be a fortnight.  Just as well, perhaps, in case of complications and given that it is an 11 hour flight back to the UK on 29 November and that sitting down is still a little problematical.  I feel absolutely fine standing up but finding a comfortable sitting of laying position has been difficult.  The fact that the thoughtful Dr Kunaporn has provided a ‘doughnut’ cushion for me confirms what I have gleaned from others who have been along the path before.  Sitting can be a bit sore for a while.

The hotel is fine, modern and fully furnished, if a bit Spartan.  But then who’s complaining for £250 for a 2 week stay.The local hypermarket is a couple of hundred yards away and a wander along this afternoon funished me with Alpen for tomorrow’s breakfast, after a KFC lunch and a macaroni and vegetable snack for this evening’s meal.

Then the evening dilation (still only comfortable up to number 3) and then time to update the blog before turning in.  I think I will have a further wander around tomorrow. The streets have a particularly developing world feel, with shanty cafe’s and chaotic power lines on roadside poles.

I’ll keep you posted

Robin Moira White

The Road to Recovery

Wedenesday14 November, 8pm.  Third dilation of the day completed. Phew!

Still pretty swollen ‘down there’.  Urinating still something of an effort but easing each time.

Dilation fine – just methodical.  A matter of having everything laid out ready and working through the process.  Just a bit strange.

Hard to believe that tomorrow it will be a fortnight since I came here and a fortnight before I head back.  I believe tomorrow I should be moving from the hospital to the hotel for my second fortnight but no signs of it being organised today.  We shall see.

Sorry if this is a little short but quite a tiring day.

Robin Moira White

An amazing day

Monday 12 November didn’t start well. As well as the rawness I was suffering from yesterday I didn’t get much sleep last night as my pubic hair, shaved over a week ago now, was now re-growing under the medical tape covering the operation area.  The result was excruciating itchiness which I endured all night long and until the doctor came to see me at 10.30 this morning.

Oh! The relief when the tape and bandaging was peeled back and the catheter, drain and packing were removed.

But, of course, more than that was the first sight of my new genital area.  Swollen for now but worth all the time and trouble.

It was nothing short of amazing to stand in the shower shortly thereafter for my first shower in over a week and to know and feel that I now have the anatomy I have wanted for so long.

The rest of today has been rather restful, reading and watching TV. There is plainly a bit or re-learning to do because the skin that has been re-used still has its nerves attached and I have to relearn the stimulus relative to the new structure.  I suspect that will take a little time. 

There is a little concern that, although I have been drinking steadily during the day, I haven’t yet used my new urinry tract exit.  No panic, at least yet, I think.

Tomorrow is to be the start of learning to dilate, the process which will keep the neo-vagina cavity open and healthy for future use.

I’ll keep you posted.

Robin Moira White

3 Days in Purgatory

It is six at night on Sunday 11 November and I’m feeling pretty low.  Since the skin graft on Friday I have been confined to bed.  Dr Kunaporn has visited me every morning and the graft seems to be going well.  The packing appears to be holding it properly in place and all is apparently going how he would expect.  That’s what I am trying to hang on to. 

The problems are that the perenerial area is well taped down with the medical equivalent of duct tape and round the edges of that my skin feel pretty raw and sore.  Finding a comfortable position to lie in is difficult.  On my back with legs 30 degrees apart if most comfortable for that area but after an hour of so I get lower back pain.  If I change to the foetal position in which I normally sleep, the pain from the tape increases.

On top of the above, I haven’t had a bowel movement since Thursday evening and although I eat healthily on Friday and Saturday I now have little or no appetite as my digestive system must by now be pretty well backed up.  I ordered a BLT sandwich for lunch today which looked great but I couldn’t face eating it.

And then there is the general frustration of being stuck in a hospital bed unable to do much for yourself.  I haven’t wanted the aircon on as the temperature is warm but fine and I find the noise distracting but every once in a while one of the nurses switches it on and I have to use the call button to get one of them to come to switch it off.  I also dislike bed baths, however competently they are performed but I long to stand under a shower on my own.

Apparently, most of this gets better tomorrow when the neo-vaginal packing is removed.  I do hope so.  Just 12 or so more hours to bear, not so much after 48 years, I suppose.

Robin Moira White

Skin graft complete - I think?

I was woken at 6.30 this morning, Friday 9 November,  to be got ready for theatre, in particular for a drip line to be put into my right hand and for my temperature, blood pressure and pulse to be checked for the umpteenth time.  I asked for this to be put off until7.30 so I could have a stand-up wash in my little en-suite bathroom –much more refreshing.  There was much concern whether I had done ‘poo-poo’ during the night.  I had not, so I dutifully tried again but with no results.  I had extensively ans expressively opened my bowels the previous evening, so no real surprise there.

Of to theatre at nine, all prepared for the op including face mask blowing oxygen and then ......nothing.  At half past nine the anaesthetist appeared and rather pre-emptorily and uncomfortably pulled off the mask and said ‘we need to wait!’ to the world in general.

I was then on the very flat operating table for the next hour with my legs strapped down but with a rather menacing pair of leg stirrup stands standing waiting either sides of my thighs.  Lower back pain was mounting and fortunately the theatre staff unfastened my legs and allowed me to move to a more comfortable position.  I wonder why I was taken to theatre about an hour earlier than was necessary?

The delay did allow me to notice that theatre lights were not focussed on my nether regions but on a side table where a technician was clearly working on something pinned out in a plastic tray – my skin for grating.  I was reminded of O-level frog dissection.  Whilst the other staff were chattering away in Thai she was clearly very focussed on her work.

At about 10.30 Dr Kumaporn appeared, announced ‘Let’s start!’ and everyone sprang into action.  I have no memory beyond the anaesthetist going into action until I woke up in recovery at 12.30.

Its now 2 and I am back in my room. I have a dull ache in my nether regions but am otherwise fine.  Things are still well bandaged over with a urinary catheter and a drain emerging from the bandaging, so as to the result, I am still not clear.

Back to the TV and my books.

Robin Moira White

Patience is a virtue

Not much to report today, Wednesday 7 November.   Visited by Dr Kunaporn the morning, who is happy with progress and says we are on course for the skin grafting session on Friday.  This means that tomorrow is likely to be another uneventful day as well.  I am on a gentle mixture of antibiotics and painkillers.  Today they added a laxative, as I haven’t opened my bowels since Saturday, although I have been eating well, is conservatively, since then.  Apparently this is not unusual when ‘down there’ has been affected as much as it has, and nothing to get concerned about.  The result, this evening, was the first ‘movement’ with some difficulty – so that’s OK as well.

On my wander rounds this afternoon (I did about a mile of so along the hospital corridors at a steady pace) I stopped at the nurses station for a chat with the head nurse.  Apparently, quite unusually, I am the only reassignment patient in at the moment.   All others are here for breast augmentations, tummy tucks and the like.  Also unusually, I am the only western patient.  It is apparently unusual not to have some Aussies or New Zealanders if not a Brit of two.  So much for bringing scrabble with me!

I got a bit annoyed this afternoon,  A solicitor from the UK for who I had conducted a procedural hearing in the week before I came away seems to have been given an incomplete report of it by his member of staff who came to the hearing and seems miffed I can’t sort that out from 10,000 km away.  And I had made plain what my timetable was.  That is notable in contrast to the wonderful understanding I have generally had from my professional colleagues.

Ho hum, back to my book.....

Robin Moira White

Repacking

Tuesday 6 November, midday and just back from theatre after my second general anaesthetic to have the packing inside my new neo-vagina changed.  Presumably it would have been rather traumatic without the anaesthetic.  As before I was on nil-by-mouth after midnight.  At 7.30 the nurse appeared to put a line into my left hand and then at 9 the gang appeared to move be from my bed to one trolley to go down to the first floor which has the operating theratres and transfer to another trolley outside the operating theatre and finally transfer to the table.  Now they spread out both arms and set up blod pressure monitoring on the right arm, a mask over your mouth and nose and then......oblivion.

Next thing I know is waking up in rehab alongside the ICU and then back to my room for a late breakfast at midday, a dip into my new book ‘Winter of the World’ and ‘The talented Mr Ripley’ on HBO movie channel Asia.

If the rest of the month is like this, I am coming out for reassignment every year!

I have an awful feeling that there must be some pain on the way, but I don’t see it yet.

Robin Moira White