Repacking

Tuesday 6 November, midday and just back from theatre after my second general anaesthetic to have the packing inside my new neo-vagina changed.  Presumably it would have been rather traumatic without the anaesthetic.  As before I was on nil-by-mouth after midnight.  At 7.30 the nurse appeared to put a line into my left hand and then at 9 the gang appeared to move be from my bed to one trolley to go down to the first floor which has the operating theratres and transfer to another trolley outside the operating theatre and finally transfer to the table.  Now they spread out both arms and set up blod pressure monitoring on the right arm, a mask over your mouth and nose and then......oblivion.

Next thing I know is waking up in rehab alongside the ICU and then back to my room for a late breakfast at midday, a dip into my new book ‘Winter of the World’ and ‘The talented Mr Ripley’ on HBO movie channel Asia.

If the rest of the month is like this, I am coming out for reassignment every year!

I have an awful feeling that there must be some pain on the way, but I don’t see it yet.

Robin Moira White

Phase 1 complete

It is now 6pm on Sunday evening in Phuket and I have been in bed all day!

I don’t have much of a memory of yesterday, Saturday, as they came for me at around 9.30 am and then off to the operating theatre. (Look away now if you are squeamish, or male, or both!).  What I am told happened while I was in theatre was the removal of penis and testicles, creation of the new vaginal canal and reservation of the skin for the re-grafting stage, probably to be carried out on Friday next.  There certainly is ‘less’ down below than there was but it is thoroughly bandaged, so nothing to see yet.  I woke up back in my room about 5pm.

I have a urinary catheter and a drain emerging from ‘down below’ and I have been encouraged to keep up my fluid intake.  I have not been moving about much but I haven’t really had any pain, just a bit of discomfort, rather like bruising.

I have been reading the new ‘what if’ historical novel ‘Dominion’ and there are enough English language channels on hospital TV to keep me interested.  A disappointment was that one network was showing the Bond movie ‘Quantum of Solace’ but unfortunately it was dubbed in one Asian language and subtitled in another!

I am told that I will be allowed out of bed for a short walk tomorrow.

Bye for now.

Robin White

An interesting start to November

I left home just after 1pm on Thursday and made my way by train and rail-air coach to Heathrow.  I then proceeded to eat my way to Thailand !  As there were no travel difficulties I was in the departure lounge with a good two hours to spare. I filled this with a French-style evening meal enlivened by the head waiter cannoning into one of the other waiters who was carrying a tray of drinks and showering the lot over a poor couple heading off on holiday.  Then I caught EVA Airways flight BR068 leaving at 21.20 and flying through what would have been my night to Bankok.  Unfortunately, largely due to the passenger I was seated next to’s constant movements, I got little sleep but I did get to watch three films; Amelie, Inception and the Bourne Supremacy, and a National Geographic Channel programme about the American National Security Agency.  Funny how an American-made program about cryptanalysis referred in the historical section to the WW2 breaking of the German Enigma code as an ‘Allied’ success with not a mention of the pioneering work done the Polish Government pre-1939 and the bulk of the work being performed by Bletchley Park in the UK!  I should say that EVA air fed us with a three course evening meal, a 3am snack for those of us awake and a 7am breakfast.

As we were flying over a work turning towards our direction of flight, dawn was at 3am London time and arrival in Bankok at 8.30am London time but 15.30 local time.  The 1730 connecting flight to Phuket was a little late, but not without a three-course airline meal  on a flight of just over and hour !  The taxi driver organised by the hospital was reassuringly waiting for me, and I arrived at the ‘Phuket International Hospital’ at 9pm. 

After some initial confusion as to why I was here, I was soon plugged into the admissions process and have had my blood pressure checked three times; a chest X-ray; had my perenerium (look it up!) expertly shaved with a cut-throat razor and an enema (yuk!); and finally a consultation with Dr Kunaporn in advance of tomorrow’s operation – all between 9 and 10.30 at night. Not bad going.

So the end of 2^nd November finds me happily installed in a private room and looking forward to getting my head down in advance of the operation tomorrow, which kick’s off with the pre-med about 9 and should have me back in my room (but bed-ridden by about 5).

Just remember that the time here is 9 hours ahead of the UK.

I’ll keep you posted !

Robin Moira White

Just a week to go

Oh my gosh!  Just a week to go.

This time next week I will be sitting at Heathrow about to catch the 'plane to Thailand for my re-assignment surgery.

How do I feel?

Well, its a bit strange really.  I think I ought to be scared or concerned but I'm not.  It makes me think about practical things like the ease of wearing nicer lingerie or tight jeans in future, or the ability to go to the swimming pool in future without causing consternation in the changing room.  Or of not being forceably reminded of who I am not when I get ready for bed or take a shower.  And then, of course, there is, or may be, sex....

But I can't say that I am particularly worried about the process.  I am fit and healthy and (just) the right side of 50, and Sanguan Kunaporn, the Thai surgeon, comes with the highest possibnle reccomendation.  I have taken advice about what to wear, what to take and how to prepare, in particular from two very sensible folks who have been along the road ahead of me..

And I am READY for this.  I worked out that I was trans aged 12 or 13, I think.  I dipped my toe in the water in my leat teens / earlt 20's and was not ready for this enormous step then.  But I have tried the alternatives and they either do not work for me, or I can't live with them.

There is no magic wand.  My transition will not be as complete or as effective as if I had done it when I was 16 or 26.  But it offers me the best chance of a liveable life for the next 20 or 30 or who knows years.  And that is worth having.

Follow my next steps.

I'll keep you posted

Robin Moira White

The schizophrenic bedside table

And then something happens which makes you burst out laughing.

I was staying away in a hotel a few days ago and had a (rare) evening when I didn't have too much work to do.  I called into the local WHSmith to get myself a magazine or two to while away the evening.  When I lined them up on my bedside table the combination struck me as hilarious.  They were 'Cosmopolitan', 'Steam Railway', and 'New Scientist'.  A pretty unlikely combination, you will allow, and one which still had me chcklimng on the way to court the next day.

The serious point, if there is one, is that I have no intention of throwing away or denying the parts of me which have made me me and which I enjoy.  There is no prospect of my taking up cross-stitch or flower arrangeing in the near future.

Oh yes - and now it is less than two weeks before I head off to Thailand for my reassignment surgery.  Wish me luck.

regards

Robin Moira White

Ups and Downs of Trainsition - Downs

But there is always a cloud with every silver lining.

I don't always 'pass' as perfectly female and there are still a few idiots out there.  A few weeks ago a member of staff at a small west country hotel at which I was staying, believeing that I was out of earshot, shouted along a corridor that 'she, he or it' had come to collect their room key.  Does being transgender make them think you are deaf? 

When I spoke to the hotel owner, she was mortified to find out that I had heard what the member of staff had said.  When I arrived back late that evening a very nice card of apology was propped up against a bottle of wine on my bedside table.  Full marks.

By contrast, having been through two levels of complaint at the BBC and now about to complain to the BBC Trust, this august public corporation thinks that it is OK for a character in a satirical show at 6.30 pm on Radio 4 to say that 'you should not call people 'it' unless they are transgendered or hermaphrodites and want to be referred to in a gender-neutral way'.  Crass idiots.

I was before, at least as far as the world knew, a white, middle-aged, middle class male.  Discrimination was something that happenned to other folks.  Interesting how your perspective changes.

regards

Robin Moira White

Ups and Downs of Transition - Ups

A couple of linked posts on the ups and downs of transition.

Ever the optimist, lets start with the ups.

I am fairly happy with my 'look' now, or at least as happy as I can be at over 6 feet tall in anyuthing but bare feet!

Only the other day I was in the quefor the supermarket checkout and in front of me a lad of 7 or 8 was playing up to his Dad who had been sent out for some last minute Sunday morning shopping, it seemed.  He was told to behave or they would be delaying the 'lady' waiting behind them - that was me!  I am sure I wasnt being given a second thought by either of them.

It is now 14 months of so since I started living full time in the female role and I now couldn't imagine doing anything else.  Skirts and blouses are entirely natural and reverting to a shirt and tie would seem very weird indeed.

All just as well, I suppose, as I have been approved for reassignment surgery and am off to Thailand in about 3 weeks now.  It all seems a bit unreal but I am sooooo looking forwards to 'downstairs' matching the rest of me.  I will try to blog regularly during my time away.

regards

Robin Moira White