Just a week to go

Oh my gosh!  Just a week to go.

This time next week I will be sitting at Heathrow about to catch the 'plane to Thailand for my re-assignment surgery.

How do I feel?

Well, its a bit strange really.  I think I ought to be scared or concerned but I'm not.  It makes me think about practical things like the ease of wearing nicer lingerie or tight jeans in future, or the ability to go to the swimming pool in future without causing consternation in the changing room.  Or of not being forceably reminded of who I am not when I get ready for bed or take a shower.  And then, of course, there is, or may be, sex....

But I can't say that I am particularly worried about the process.  I am fit and healthy and (just) the right side of 50, and Sanguan Kunaporn, the Thai surgeon, comes with the highest possibnle reccomendation.  I have taken advice about what to wear, what to take and how to prepare, in particular from two very sensible folks who have been along the road ahead of me..

And I am READY for this.  I worked out that I was trans aged 12 or 13, I think.  I dipped my toe in the water in my leat teens / earlt 20's and was not ready for this enormous step then.  But I have tried the alternatives and they either do not work for me, or I can't live with them.

There is no magic wand.  My transition will not be as complete or as effective as if I had done it when I was 16 or 26.  But it offers me the best chance of a liveable life for the next 20 or 30 or who knows years.  And that is worth having.

Follow my next steps.

I'll keep you posted

Robin Moira White

The schizophrenic bedside table

And then something happens which makes you burst out laughing.

I was staying away in a hotel a few days ago and had a (rare) evening when I didn't have too much work to do.  I called into the local WHSmith to get myself a magazine or two to while away the evening.  When I lined them up on my bedside table the combination struck me as hilarious.  They were 'Cosmopolitan', 'Steam Railway', and 'New Scientist'.  A pretty unlikely combination, you will allow, and one which still had me chcklimng on the way to court the next day.

The serious point, if there is one, is that I have no intention of throwing away or denying the parts of me which have made me me and which I enjoy.  There is no prospect of my taking up cross-stitch or flower arrangeing in the near future.

Oh yes - and now it is less than two weeks before I head off to Thailand for my reassignment surgery.  Wish me luck.

regards

Robin Moira White

Ups and Downs of Trainsition - Downs

But there is always a cloud with every silver lining.

I don't always 'pass' as perfectly female and there are still a few idiots out there.  A few weeks ago a member of staff at a small west country hotel at which I was staying, believeing that I was out of earshot, shouted along a corridor that 'she, he or it' had come to collect their room key.  Does being transgender make them think you are deaf? 

When I spoke to the hotel owner, she was mortified to find out that I had heard what the member of staff had said.  When I arrived back late that evening a very nice card of apology was propped up against a bottle of wine on my bedside table.  Full marks.

By contrast, having been through two levels of complaint at the BBC and now about to complain to the BBC Trust, this august public corporation thinks that it is OK for a character in a satirical show at 6.30 pm on Radio 4 to say that 'you should not call people 'it' unless they are transgendered or hermaphrodites and want to be referred to in a gender-neutral way'.  Crass idiots.

I was before, at least as far as the world knew, a white, middle-aged, middle class male.  Discrimination was something that happenned to other folks.  Interesting how your perspective changes.

regards

Robin Moira White

Ups and Downs of Transition - Ups

A couple of linked posts on the ups and downs of transition.

Ever the optimist, lets start with the ups.

I am fairly happy with my 'look' now, or at least as happy as I can be at over 6 feet tall in anyuthing but bare feet!

Only the other day I was in the quefor the supermarket checkout and in front of me a lad of 7 or 8 was playing up to his Dad who had been sent out for some last minute Sunday morning shopping, it seemed.  He was told to behave or they would be delaying the 'lady' waiting behind them - that was me!  I am sure I wasnt being given a second thought by either of them.

It is now 14 months of so since I started living full time in the female role and I now couldn't imagine doing anything else.  Skirts and blouses are entirely natural and reverting to a shirt and tie would seem very weird indeed.

All just as well, I suppose, as I have been approved for reassignment surgery and am off to Thailand in about 3 weeks now.  It all seems a bit unreal but I am sooooo looking forwards to 'downstairs' matching the rest of me.  I will try to blog regularly during my time away.

regards

Robin Moira White