Sunday, 27 February 2011

An important step

I have been working at home this week on a significant piece of paperwork, so it seemed like a good moment for my work collegues to find out.....

On Tuesday a 'Dear Colleagues....' letter from me was left in all the pidgeonholes at work and the Head of the Admin called the support staff together to tell them my news.  I am told that there was a fair amount of surprise but nothing other than sympathy......, and a desire from the female staff to ask some 'technical' questions about transition that the Head of Admin (male) did not feel competant to answer......

Since then I have had a steady flow of supportive e-mails and calls, just lovely.  It is wonderful to be 'out' with my work colleagues, who are my friends as well.  Such a relief.

I am out of the office on Monday but will be calling in at the end of the day and now only feel a trace of nervousness about breezing back in.  At least I won't have make excuses about the bags from Hobbs I am seen with occasionally....


Tuesday, 22 February 2011

The little milestones are important as well.

On any long journey (and transition is certainly that) the little milestones each mark distance covered on the journey and have their place in the story.  This last weekend I spotted three which I thought were worthy of record.

The first was that after facial electrolysis on Friday (a day early this week as I was goung out on the weekend) my skin was entirely clear.  Until now the next week's growth was usually visible below the skin but not sufficiently developed to be got at by the therapist.  This Friday - nothing!  At the weekend I did have to wear some foundation to cope with the redness left by recent electrolysis but no dark hairs to cover - hooray.  Now (Tuesday) there is just a little regrowth coming through, but so, so little.  I have 5 months to go until full-time female living and so my comfort and the amount of facial hair are in directly inverse proportions!

Secondly, I spent the weekend away with my good friend W in Cardiff and her group (they won't mind me saying) of irresponsible thirty /  forty-somethings.  I realised that when I packed my bag, the only male clothing I was taking were my pajamas - another milestone.  Thanks to W, Ru, Ro, Cl and Se for making me feel so very welcome.

The third milestone was that this was a group of folks who have not met me in trousers (hooray!)  My female self is very much a 'work in progress' certainly this side of cosmetic surgery and a little weight loss but it is so relaxing just to be me.............



I can tell from the traffic statistics that this site generates that there are a few of you following my posts now.  It would be lovely to receive a few more comments.

Wednesday, 16 February 2011

Making a clean breast of it...

I have been on oestrogen for nearly two months now and I very plainly have some breast development.  What I have is certainly not beyond an ‘A’ cup but they are quite firm and perky and particularly noticeable if I turn onto my front in bed (ouch!).  The time came this week when I needed to get some ‘support’.  Work took me to Nottingham and I called into Debenhams to book an appointment with their bra-fitting service.  I was with a female colleague (who knows my circumstances) and as we walked away we realised that there might have been some ambiguity over WHO the 4 o’clock appointment was for.
This proved to be correct when I went back later in the day as they were expecting a lady!  Well, perhaps I might be permitted to say a different sort of lady....  After I explained my circumstances the initially rather stern lady assistant became all smiles and conducted me to a private fitting room where she arranged the ‘necessary support’ and we discussed how that might need to change over coming months.  Five gold stars to Debenhams for the service.
I have been becoming increasingly relaxed about my work colleagues knowing about my forthcoming transition in advance and increasingly frustrated by covering the changes, for example by attributing my lengthening hair to the recent cold weather.  (I also fancy having my ears pierced soon, given the 3-month period the studs have to stay in before other earrings can be worn, and I haven’t been able to think of a cover story for crystal studs....)  I have discussed this with my senior management who are relaxed about my ‘coming out’ sooner than previously planned, so that may well happen in the next week or two.
I will keep you posted.....

Monday, 7 February 2011

When your coach turns into a pumpkin........

I had a great weekend.   My regular electrolysis therapist was away and the only day I could find a replacement was on Friday when, fortunately, I was working at home.  This had the great advantage that by Saturday morning my face and neck skin was smooth, hair-free and calm.  This meant that I was able to spend the whole weekend as the female version of myself.  Only a little light foundation now covers the redness from the electrolysis.
SO WONDERFUL to be ME for the whole weekend, and an increasingly convincing version of me with light make up and my own hair, which is starting to cover my ears.  Saturday evening had me curled up on the sofa in front of the TV in black tights and skirt, and candy pink cardigan, filing and polishing my nails.  Sunday morning found me at the supermarket, a pretty convincing version of an unremarkable middle-aged lady doing some gentle food shopping.  At least, a 6’ tall version of such.  I didn’t detect a second glance, other than a chap in Cafe Nero who did seem to be looking at my legs. (My best feature, I think.)  And this is without the cosmetic surgery in July which I hope will make me a less mannish and more attractive middle-aged woman.
And then the witching hour struck on Sunday evening.  I had to catch an early train on Monday morning and I find that in middle age I need my beauty sleep so by 10pm I was in bed.  Oh, how hard it is to take off my nail varnish, mascara etc etc and climb back into pyjamas.  I suppose this is a version of how  it will be from August when I will be living as a woman every day.  However, the image is rather ruined in bed or in the shower by.....well, you know.  I face 18 months of that until that glorious time, probably around Christmas 2012, when  reassignment surgery will allow me to feel feminine in bed and in the bathroom as well as during the day – Oh!
All the counselling in the world does not tell you anything.  It was how I felt on Sunday evening stepping back over the boundary from female to male that means I KNOW reassignment is right for me.