Thursday, 24 March 2011
Living in Limbo
It is a rather odd period for me at the moment. My facial surgery and switch to living as a woman is just under a hundred days away. In the meanwhile the hormones have given me a womanly figure which is only too apparent in other than a very sloppy pullover or a suit jacket. It is too uncomfortable NOT to wear a bra and the last thing I want to be from the summer on is ‘saggy’ in the upstairs department. Keeping my mobile phone in my shirt top pocket as I used to is now definitely out! My hair now covers my ears and my (small) male bald patch is disappearing steadily as new growth regains old ground . On the other hand I am still living as a man, have only just received my voice training DVD’s which came from the USA a couple of days ago and I still have my regular Saturday morning facial electrolysis (although the regrowth is now very, very much sparser, finer and mostly light in colour). I don’t shave at all and grow the hair all week so that the therapist has the best shot at getting rid of everything every Saturday.
What am I? Male? Female? Neither really cut it at the moment. I am some strange intermediate form which does not fit into either camp. I can’t wait in the evening to get home and strip off the male veneer and wear something more feminine, even if it is a pair of female jeans and a cardigan.
I have had some odd looks in the petrol station and on the train. Today I am paper-working on the train on the way up to London and in a shirt and tie I think I look distinctly odd. I certainly feel it.
It is a bit of a strain but I just have to grin and bear it. Later today I am going to book my Eurostar tickets to Belgium for surgery in July as they have just been released on the Eurostar website. It can’t come soon enough for me.
There are SOME compensations to looking weird. I saw no bar to getting my ears pierced yesterday and am now blessed with a couple of crystal studs which those ‘in the know’ have smiled knowingly at and those not (like the chap opposite me on the train this morning) just think I’m that bit more weird. He’s right......